I am the Problem

Are we still feeling hopeful for Nigeria? I don’t know! I seem to be at my wits’ end, but then that’s the thing, I am the problem!

Our children… Public servants, our leaders, those we voted and those who bought their seats (can’t seem to recognize the difference anymore)… they didn’t fall from the sky nor rise from the abyss. They were conceived, born and nurtured by mothers. They were taught the difference between good and evil (I use that very deliberately because we‘ve gone past bad), they were taught to live right, to be fair and just, sent to school to whatever level (now all and sundry have doctorate degrees). Teachers went on from where parents stopped, at intervals, neighbours and well-wishers, even bystanders dropped a teaching or two when wrong was done on the street. Back in the day, there was no minding anyone’s business, everyone minded it! A child was brought up by all, and parents were thankful for it!!

Our parents… Now, these individuals are our parents, and I say that with the deepest sense of regret, the ones who taught us about honesty, truth, integrity, sacrifice, love and loyalty. Is this a cruel joke life is playing on us? Has God finally decided to leave us to our wiles and allow us to destroy each other? At least there’ll be fewer people for Him to worry about!

Our workplace… In the work place these our parents are wolves, scroungers, thieves to make it plain… they will kill a project in a heartbeat without a thought to the merit it possessed to the ministry and the nation at large if their individual numbers are unclear. They want a morsel from your every project, they need to be factored in to your daily profits, they believe they’ve earned the right to reap where they did not sow, and they’ll do a hell of a damn lot to ensure they get it. God help you if you have more than one venture under their jurisdiction, they’ll push for the entire profits of one if not more. The landlord who’d rather his tenant couldn’t send his kids to school as long as he paid his rent and some.

Our fate… Alas, this is where we are as a country, our landlords, our governments, our lawmakers have sentenced us to live out the rest of our lives in their shackles without the possibility of parole. To be totally honest, when I’m not imagining their downfall, my heart bleeds for them , because you get to a point where you lose all self-respect for the acquisition of someone else’s wealth, where though you may get it, you become truly pitiful.

Our business… If you have the opportunity to leave Nigeria and you don’t, it better be because you are working smart and employing people to work hard in the private sector – the Private sector; oh the challenge of all sorts of incidental percentages in your financial model to make available a little “something something” for the EDs who get your huge facilities approved. Amazingly, these things are not even “thank-yous” anymore, they are now a right, with MOUs and MOAs on the side to govern the expectations. Does one truly go into arbitration over a “bribery” MOU? We have become that utterly shameless!!! The provisions are such that we can use English grammar to create an ideal transaction, and you better believe a judge or an arbitrator will preside over the nonsense, again using the tax payers’ money! What a colossal waste of time!

Our compromise… Business in this country is not for the faint hearted, and it is certainly not on the merit of your financial model nor your passion for infrastructural development and or sustainability. As it stands today, compromise is almost inevitable, after all, integrity does not add up on the ROI and certainly does not take anything out of your capitalized interest on bank facilities.

Our Nigeria… The Arab spring didn’t begin because some people just woke up one day, thought it a great idea and made it happen. It was birthed by long periods of frustration, and if you like, you can say the North African nations got tired and decided to spurt out some of their inherent nonsense even if it meant their own people! Maybe Nigeria will spit us out and start over when she has had enough! For some, we’ve been managing, we’ve been enduring, and someday soon, there’ll be an uprising!

Our ambition… Today, youths don’t talk about being millionaires, everyone’s desires are to be in the hundreds of millions and higher, and as many a preachers will say, if you want to be it, start living it!  We don’t wear Rolexes anymore, everyone’s watches, bags, shoes, price from the second half of a hundred thousand naira, for some greater than 50% of their monthly net take home. Toyotas are ordinary, everyone wants a Lexus, a Range Rover, luxury cars, and people convoy in private jets lest they need to quickly dash to another continent to grab a quick meal or catch a game, yet poverty deepens. Our reasons being that we are ambitious, we are determined, we are willing to work hard for our earnings, we are dreamers and doers, I hate to be the mean clown and burst the balloons (no, not really) but how sustainable are these expectations? Clearly, our remuneration and profits can’t suffice if we don’t pace ourselves! We are setting ourselves up for compromise to sweep through, and when it passes, there’ll be no character left!!

Our everyday… In our beloved nation, every day presents us with who we can be, what we have on our insides determines how we react to the circumstances that come our way and inevitably determines who we eventually become!!

Our people… I don’t believe we’re inherently bad! We don’t wake up every morning saying “Thank God for keeping me, today I’m going to swindle 4 people and make N10M on each”. I think generally we are better than that. If we’re ambitious, we wake up with hope that we’ll succeed, we’ll find favour, we’ll be lucky, that God’ll bless our hustle, then we go about our plans which ultimately aren’t meant to cheat anyone, but then the day commences in all its glory with all of its challenges and brings us smack before compromise after compromise with different levels of exposure, and we are faced with the choice of what next to do? Where else to go? How else to make it work? When we are strong we can let go of our best opportunities as a result of integrity, when we are not and faced with the fear of losing our dreams, we give in and become the vermin we blame for where our nation is and so it begins.

The circle… A new lifestyle is born; we have our children and teach them to do the things we don’t and to avoid those which we do. It seems smart to tell them to do as we say and not as we do, but these things seep out, they find a way, you can’t hide darkness in the open. And so our children learn to face the challenges of us, the workplace, fate, business, compromise, our Nigeria, our ambitions, our everyday and themselves, and if we’re not careful, they’ll react to these the exact way we did and we’ll all miserably come full circle of our selves.

Our dear Nigeria, you are what we make you to be because you cannot be better than your people, and we are a total mess…but if we lose hope in us, then all is truly lost!

 

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Who we really are and what we really want II

… Remember when I said I was going to be discovering me, and promptly advised that you do same? It appears I have made a few more discoveries, and of course I’m going to share! I must reiterate along with Tony Robbins however that “Knowing is not enough! You must take action.” Anyway, back to me…

Dear InnerMe,

I am a fighter; every fibre of my being is born of resilience, I bounce back and out of every challenge that comes my way; like the eagle, I understand that the storm is my only propeller to heights others can only dream of, into world’s I can only imagine, into ventures that only the brave will risk and thus only the exceptional can attain. According to Napoleon Hill, “Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting”. Makes sense, don’t it? So, rise above my fears and fight I must! Yes, indeed I am born of a true Nigerian spirit in the very resilient sense!

I am a thinker; I just will not be limited, even by the limitations that are clear as day, I simply will not acknowledge them. Call me a joker if you like, a dreamer, a loose cannon, but if I can dream it, then surely I can be it! Yes, I can push myself like that!!  It’s hard with all the distractions, but I always try to know more about anything and everything that’s relevant in the emerging world which I am a part of. Surely and steadily, I try as a matter of necessity to avoid the danger, limitation and imprisonment of a single story!

I am a dreamer; I bet you are wondering how big a difference that is from thinking, but I assure you, I dream it before I can even begin to think and wrap my head around it!! Yes, building castles in the air and the whole shebang!! Dreaming makes me want it badly enough that I will be more than inclined to think it through over and over and over and over again. Then, I have to do it; true to Tonny Robbins’ words, “the path to success is to take massive,determined action”. I can’t act if I haven’t thought, and definitely can’t think if I haven’t dreamt. My dreams and values push me beyond my comfort zone and drive me even when no one is looking!

I am a firm believer of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s words, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us”, and I totally live and abide by this as best and as frequently as I possibly can; Spiritually, professionally, financially, and politically. Believe in and desire a change so badly that it physically hurts, and be ready to make plans and take actions in the directions of your yearnings, and the sky will be your starting point. Aggrieve a people continuously and steadily, and you will undoubtedly feel the strength of their wrath and the effect of their hate. I can go on and on about what lies within and how effective it is in shaping our world in our preferred direction, but I’ll let your mind do the rest… We all need to believe in something, there simply has to be a picture bigger than us!

As I am sure is probably clear to you now, I am a discoverer; I like to discover stuff as I have embarked on this task of discovering me!

Thanks for letting me into a little more of me, and following through on my determination to be a better me.

Yours always and truly,

Me

This may seem rather mundane, pedantic and somewhat unhelpful, but the best way to define who it is you are is to focus on the specifics of your true self and do an actual discovery of every part of you as is seen in your reactions to every part of your life.  

It appears I know who I am and thus my first phase of discovery is complete; liken this exercise to writing your life goals and long-term plans in a place where you can constantly see them and remind yourself what it is you live for. It doesn’t make them happen, but it keeps you ever focused on their realisation and channels you towards them with every thought, plan and action.

Nothing is as powerful as a picturesque of where it is you are headed, discover you and then discover that!!

Who we really are and what we really want!

Interestingly, we get to a point in our lives where we generally feel like we have it all figured out, the thing is maybe sometimes we genuinely sort of do! However, we run into our greatest tests when we realise that there’s almost no purpose behind our actions… that can be totally demeaning!

Of course I know what I’m doing, of course I know what I want, I totally repeat it to myself even though I don’t have to so obviously I can’t have missed it, can I? The thing is I do miss it… so many times I’ll lose count if I am true to myself about how many times I really go back and begin the planning process again. How many times I get what it seems I wanted and yet it has no value, and I wonder why I thought I needed that very thing in the first place!

>>> I sometimes wonder if I truly know what I want, and then I stop short and slam an affirmative Yes! Of Course I do

>>>I want a job! Of course, I do. What kind? O_o

>>> I want to be happy? Of course I do! How? With who? Doing what?

We totally lose our focus on focusing on our specifics, it’s not enough to want a job, or wish happiness on ourselves; Ok, so we think we know what we want; if we’ve never considered the how or the why synchronizing with the what, we surely are no closer to finding fulfillment in our lives, it just means nothing, nothing but worry about what we don’t have and wishful yearning for those things. We have to tell ourselves specifically as it is…. I’m going to serially discover myself by telling me how I am, and I suggest you do same!!

Dear InnerMe,

I am a me with dreams of one day reaching out to the world, I know I like to make a difference; I yearn to speak and be heard, and recognized for what it is I say. I want my words to be able to bring value, solace and motivation to people I will never meet or have the opportunity to shake their hands… Yes, I recognize that words can do this! That is my strategy, expose my words to places I may never see; people whose heritages I may never understand. My words will go places and speak volumes on my behalf!!

I am a planner, tell me about yourself and I will give you a plan to take you to your next phase, but I have a problem; with my own plans, I fear taking that first step of execution; I am afraid it seems, afraid I may fail, I think I’ll rather hide behind the comfort of having never tried than to expose myself to the possibility of the pain and disappointment that failure brings. You know what, for the purpose of gratification, I dare say my problem is half solved, I know it’s there so I can speak to myself until I can push me off my irritable fears and man ventures after my dreams!

I am not a romantic, don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of love, and watch the movies and read books wishing I could feel the way they seem to feel, but it’s never quite worked out that way.

You would think I should be because my best place in the world is by the ocean looking up to a star filled midnight sky, hearing the sound of the waters beating against the stony embankments, and the slushing sound of the water’s retreat against the shore sands. Sitting on a bridge or hill and watching the orange sun set against distant waters. I wish I can look into my mate’s eyes and have tears in my eyes just knowing that he loves me so, I wish I could get lost in the feeling of love and being loved so much so that nothing else in the world matters!… I sound like a romantic, don’t I?… Still, I won’t ooh and ahh over a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates (I’m more likely to do so for chocolates though J), or a solemn declaration of love; as much as it’s a good feeling, it won’t matter if he didn’t open the car door for me; though he has to somehow be nice and sweet! Yep, I’m sure you figured that with relationships, I can sometimes be an enigma even unto myself, seems like I want what I don’t want!

…Moving on!

So, I’m going to continue writing my attributes to me until I identify with how they influence me and make me the better me I’d rather be, and #innerme you have to help out and meet me half way!

Yours always and truly,

Me

What then is the difference between you and I? That I have nothing to fear or that I own up to the existence of a fear that I intend to overcome! … Own up to your fears, look into your eyes, and tell yourself who you are, of your weaknesses and your strengths, brace up to them and they will surely make you a better you!!!

…xoxo