Interestingly, we get to a point in our lives where we generally feel like we have it all figured out, the thing is maybe sometimes we genuinely sort of do! However, we run into our greatest tests when we realise that there’s almost no purpose behind our actions… that can be totally demeaning!
Of course I know what I’m doing, of course I know what I want, I totally repeat it to myself even though I don’t have to so obviously I can’t have missed it, can I? The thing is I do miss it… so many times I’ll lose count if I am true to myself about how many times I really go back and begin the planning process again. How many times I get what it seems I wanted and yet it has no value, and I wonder why I thought I needed that very thing in the first place!
>>> I sometimes wonder if I truly know what I want, and then I stop short and slam an affirmative Yes! Of Course I do
>>>I want a job! Of course, I do. What kind?
>>> I want to be happy? Of course I do! How? With who? Doing what?
We totally lose our focus on focusing on our specifics, it’s not enough to want a job, or wish happiness on ourselves; Ok, so we think we know what we want; if we’ve never considered the how or the why synchronizing with the what, we surely are no closer to finding fulfillment in our lives, it just means nothing, nothing but worry about what we don’t have and wishful yearning for those things. We have to tell ourselves specifically as it is…. I’m going to serially discover myself by telling me how I am, and I suggest you do same!!
I am a me with dreams of one day reaching out to the world, I know I like to make a difference; I yearn to speak and be heard, and recognized for what it is I say. I want my words to be able to bring value, solace and motivation to people I will never meet or have the opportunity to shake their hands… Yes, I recognize that words can do this! That is my strategy, expose my words to places I may never see; people whose heritages I may never understand. My words will go places and speak volumes on my behalf!!
I am a planner, tell me about yourself and I will give you a plan to take you to your next phase, but I have a problem; with my own plans, I fear taking that first step of execution; I am afraid it seems, afraid I may fail, I think I’ll rather hide behind the comfort of having never tried than to expose myself to the possibility of the pain and disappointment that failure brings. You know what, for the purpose of gratification, I dare say my problem is half solved, I know it’s there so I can speak to myself until I can push me off my irritable fears and man ventures after my dreams!
I am not a romantic, don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of love, and watch the movies and read books wishing I could feel the way they seem to feel, but it’s never quite worked out that way.
You would think I should be because my best place in the world is by the ocean looking up to a star filled midnight sky, hearing the sound of the waters beating against the stony embankments, and the slushing sound of the water’s retreat against the shore sands. Sitting on a bridge or hill and watching the orange sun set against distant waters. I wish I can look into my mate’s eyes and have tears in my eyes just knowing that he loves me so, I wish I could get lost in the feeling of love and being loved so much so that nothing else in the world matters!… I sound like a romantic, don’t I?… Still, I won’t ooh and ahh over a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates (I’m more likely to do so for chocolates though J), or a solemn declaration of love; as much as it’s a good feeling, it won’t matter if he didn’t open the car door for me; though he has to somehow be nice and sweet! Yep, I’m sure you figured that with relationships, I can sometimes be an enigma even unto myself, seems like I want what I don’t want!
So, I’m going to continue writing my attributes to me until I identify with how they influence me and make me the better me I’d rather be, and #innerme you have to help out and meet me half way!
Yours always and truly,
What then is the difference between you and I? That I have nothing to fear or that I own up to the existence of a fear that I intend to overcome! … Own up to your fears, look into your eyes, and tell yourself who you are, of your weaknesses and your strengths, brace up to them and they will surely make you a better you!!!